But just for a few moments, pretend as if EVERYTHING is your fault. Even if it's not your fault...it is your fault.
Now, before you get defensive, just hear me out.
If NOTHING is your fault, then that means you have no power. You have no control over anything in your life. Whatever happens would happen by chance.
If EVERYTHING is your fault, then that means you have power to make big changes in your life. This means that there is hope for you and that you don't have to live as if living by chance.
Let's say you get laid off your job. No, that wasn't your fault. BUT...let's say you ask the following questions:
- Why did they feel they could lay me off?
- Was I not valuable enough to them?
- Did I not do more than what was expected?
- Do my employers know me by name or by number?
- Did I not do enough to improve my skills to be a more valuable employee?
- Did I treat my job as just a job or as my own business?
Or in other words: did I just come to work to get a paycheck or did I try to make the company successful? When lay-offs happen, they don't happen to those the company sees as valuable assets. The lay-offs happen to those who just come to work, put in their time, and go home. There are plenty of those who are like that.
So, if you get laid off, it wasn't anything you've done. But then again, if you did MORE, perhaps you would still be at the job.
You see, it's not always about what you've done. You probably didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes, it's about what you DIDN'T do -- that is, you could have done better but decided not to.
When I got laid off my EMS job, I was angry. I blamed the company. I maintained my innocence...and I still do. But what hits me like a sag of bricks is that they laid me off because they saw no value in me!
I just came to work and did my job. I didn't mingle with my employees or try to get to know my bosses better. I barely tried to improve my skills to be a better employee. So, when they laid me off, they didn't really lose much! And to think about it...man...that hurts!
No, it wasn't my fault that I lost my job. But in a way, it is my fault because I didn't do much to make myself more valuable to the agency.
It's easy to point fingers and maintain innocence. It's harder to look at ourselves and admit that we haven't done enough to prevent our situation -- or to make our situation better.
Before we say, "It's not my fault," remember that by repeating those words, you are taking power from your hands. You are stripping yourself from all control.
But, if you're willing to accept responsibility for anything that happens, then you're giving yourself more control over your situation. You're saying that while you can't prevent every bad thing from happening, you CAN do your best to make the situation better.